You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
