YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize