god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize