that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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