Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize