Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
