i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
