He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
