I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
