If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
