I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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