Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
