You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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