the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
