His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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