Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
