god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
