so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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