i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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