whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
