her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
