Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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