shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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