try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
