Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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