I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
