Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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