He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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