You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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