1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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