Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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