I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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