when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
