Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
