After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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