just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
