She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Randomize