I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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