only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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