dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
