xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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