I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
