I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
