1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
