Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
