So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
