Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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