She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
