idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
