haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
