i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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