A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
