Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
