I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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