I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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