I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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