Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
