I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
