Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
