u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A bitchslap is in order.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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