Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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