I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
