Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
