he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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